Nothing exciting ever happens in this town.

Thus, I have just set the following in motion: the discovery of a dead body; the uncovering of a conspiracy; a chase sequence; coming home to find my house has been ransacked; falling in love with the detective assigned to the case, even though he is totally not my type; the decoding of various clues overlooked by everyone else; discovering this thing goes all the way to the President; telling the police chief: "No, we will not stay out of this!"; learning a valuable life lesson, probably about patriotism; the salvation of the town, America, possibly the world; reflecting upon how saying "nothing ever happens in this town" virtually assures you will have to run for your life within days, just like talking about how long it's been since your last speeding ticket will guarantee one on the way home.